WTH IS WRONG WITH ME OMGGGGG. i am feeling downright horrible again. and it's not only because of As. argh.

i guess a part of me can't wait to say goodbye, yet the larger part of myself cannot bear to. and it's precisely when thoughts like these clash that confuses me so so much.

Herein on, there'd be no more "coincidental meetings" between people you want to see but are too lazy or afraid to arrange to meet up with. From now on, it'd be the efforts made that will sustain friendships, and i guess that is a true test for many.

We've all come so far together, it saddens me that at the very end, we'd all just go on our separate paths, all 8 of us. How many of that 8 would each of us miss, if any at all?

I wonder how is it that some people do not even feel a thing about this closure of 2 years at CJC. But i guess people just think really differently from one another. To some, studies are really so much more important than friends are to them. I used to think that way too, but now i am so damned sure that getting good results doesnt make me happy, it is spending times with friends and laughing along with them or at them that makes me happy.

Oh well, in life, there has got to be many separations and farewells. Goodbye may be the hardest thing to say, but eventually, years or maybe even months down the road, we'd just view the past as mere memories we would always treasure; and chance upon more people or more activities which will be able to keep us happy. The important thing is to always be ready to move on, regardless of how much you treasure those times in the past. Because in the end, we need to grab ourselves out from the shadow of the past, and leave our arms open to embrace the present as well as the future.

A diary is meant for your own reading purposes. A blog is meant for both yourself and others around you to read.

Marshmellows shall be my own private diary while buckled shoes shall remain my blog!

Correct me if i'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure nobody ever comes here anymore, except perhaps strangers who don't even know me?

Haha sighhh it's 5 more days to the end of official schooling. And i wouldn't even be in school for the larger part of that small remaining pie. sad, isn't it. or is it?

 2 years worth of memories will come to a halt just like that. some will end on a bitter note, others will make me smile.

i know of many people who can't wait to get themselves out of this school because they simply hate it so much. i know of others too, who in spite of everything, have come to terms with being in the school, even if they didn't exactly have the best times there.

oh well. idk how i'd feel next friday

this is seriously the best "arena" for me to brandish my swords and knives. and it's definitely the safest platform for me to do so.

like seriously, why can't you just understand? i'm not even asking you to do anything, you don't have to always assume that when i say something to you, i expect something in return from you. but i guess there's nothing i can do if you continue to misinterpret everything i do i suppose. must you think so badly of me each and every time?

ah oh well after this rant i'm just going to forget about everything and get on with life. i can safely cross my heart and say that for the past 1 or 2 weeks i've been more or less back to my normal self, and the things you say and do no longer make me feel sad, hurt or disappointed any longer, just resigned.

i can't believe that i actually foolishly thought that you considered me a friend. friends don't treat friends this way, do they?

anyhow school is already coming to an end, if you don't want to see me ever again, well you'll get your wish.

i guess after this huge merry go round, i've finally come to the conclusion i'd feel satisfied with. If you don't care about this friendship and would rather just kick it away with no thoughts (and yeah i just mean the thought itself, not the action) of reconcillation either now or in the future, why should i still cling on to it? it isn't worth it i suppose.

i know i'd never ever be able to hate you no matter what. but you probably do and there's nothing i can do about it. to you, i was probably an insignificant part of your life you just can't wait to kick away. you'd be able to do that very soon, as fast as i say ABC, and you won't even feel a thing.

so yeah, school's ending, exams are comingg. time to study.

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awww i realised that out of my 3 blogs, marshmellows contain the happiest stuff, ie not much emoing except for results issues, which doesn't really affect me that much when you compare it to uh, people problems for a lack of a better phrase haha.

the good thing about this blog is also that nobody ever comes here anymore and i can just rant and rant away whenever i want to.

which is not now, since i'm currently quite happy just reading the papers, watching dramas and messaging nonsense to people.

okay i'll be back!

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sorry blogger, i realised i dont really like you that much after all!! ;_;

moving on to another LJ! ((:

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BYE marshmellows!

Dong bang’s on KBS world! Haha I swear my dad is secretly in love with them or something, even though he thinks that junsu is ugly. :/ it’s like everytime I randomly walk past the tv screen I either see dongbang’s MV on arirang tv or I see their talk show on KBS world.

Heh whoops I shouldn’t be here now, but my sister stole the comfy chair, so even if I return to doing maths I will just get a backache. Might as well camp by the computer first until my parents go out and buy me a new chair. :D

I feel kinda spoilt these days… it seems as though my parents have morphed into some unknown creatures or something, giving me everything I want! “I need money”, and money is given, no questions asked. “I want to night study today…” and permission is granted straightaway, with my dad offering to fetch me back everyday. “zeh zeh stole my chair, can I have a new one?” “okay we’ll go buy it later”. “APEC is until 12 plus am everyday”. “okay, I’ll give you essence of chicken.” ??!!! HAHAHA I’m totally not used to their new niceness!! But moral of the story? Parents know when you really put your heart into studying and they’ll reward you for it! xD

Been night studying almost every single day for 2 consecutive weeks already! And the usual night study gang will be ashlyn, steph, matong, Eunice and Ha(who have recently become really really retarded!! PTO: *matong looks over the railing* Ha: “quick jump down!! If you don’t jump down I can help you jump!!!” ??!!! ) !

Oh! I realized that when I really want to concentrate, I really can shut things out. So night study (NOW. cant say the same for last year haha) is productive after all! PLUS we get to see polly almost everyday, niahahaha. xD double incentive for steph and I. :D

These days I feel as though the cj library is my second home seriously. everyday we go there as early as we can, chope our own big individual tables, and then settle down for the entire day to mug. And its good that those retarded pigs are around because when you feel super bored from studying you can just challenge yourself to act out mimes to each other without catching the library attendant’s attention.

Hahaha really damn a lot of retarded things have been happening these days, I’ve been laughing myself silly everyday and yet we all still do work, so it’s a rather healthy balance! (: I guess I do like night study after all! With the FREE GOOD FOOD and POLLY VIEW! Ahaha plus the retarded company. :D

Went to cine yesterday and makaned at pasta mania and even took neoprints LOL. Finally got someone who understands what those annoying machines are trying to say since steph knows jap! :D haha and lots of retarded and HA-larious stuff happened as usual. Can’t wait for promos to be over and then we can really go all out to play and go crazy!!!!!

HEE Anyway, promos are half over! And here’s my take on it!

GP: uhhh okay I guess. I know I won’t fail, but I won’t score fantastic either. :/ sighhh and I was hoping I could do well for gp, but oh well. Stupid leaky nose!

Chem: haha this one was umm okay I guess, considering I did mug for it and for once I actually knew what I was writing. A few unsure questions, but other than that, not too bad, will pass okayly since my expectations are kinda low. :D

Econs: ;_; GG. Really GG. And when I say GG, I really mean it. ;_; I will hit the ceiling if I even manage to get an S for this one. :( econs was really a mixture of the worst case scenarios. I was freezing during the exam, so I couldn’t write fast. Then I had a horrible stomachache and needed to pee damn desperately. Plus i didn’t eat breakfast and dinner the night before and my stomach starting growling like nobody’s business. And to top it off, I couldn’t keep my eyes open and even had a 3 minutes nap which didn’t work. :/ oh and of course, what I mugged for didn’t come out and the ones which I didn’t have time to mug came out. How suay is that seriously. :/ i didnt even mention the stupid demerit good damnit. all i talked about was chewing gum getting stuck on bicycle wheels so the bicycle cannot move, affecting a third party and thats why its a negative externality. -.- sheesh if I fail econs, it would mean that I have to pass bio WELL in order to promote. And THAT. Is not freaking possible considering I scored 12% for mid years. That’s it. End of story.

Usually I would be feeling really upset by now, but the new optimistic me knows that there’s no point brooding over what’s over! So I just have to make the most of my situation now and see what happens. 所谓伤心也是过一天，开心也是过一天，不如天天过得开心？haha plus in the worst case scenario I can always appeal to promote I guess, provided I don’t do that badly overall. (:

Always look on the bright side of life! Tada, dadadadada!

Alright, going to pray really hard and then do maths.

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night study at CJ is so different from night study at st nicks! haha but at least its productive and provides interesting views and stupid incidents to laugh at. xD

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alriight anyway! i've decided to channel my remaining energy into being more cheery! have been feeling quite dead of late but its not good to show when you're unhappy and affect the moods of friends too! :/

haha anyway i really hope everyone gets to keep their 4H2s...! if there's one thing i really hate, its watching friends getting sad and not being able to do anything about it. :/ so i really really hope and wish and pray that they'll all do well enough to meet their own expectations!

Heh my own target seems so trivial next to theirs though, all i want and need is to pass everything and i'll be content. it's definitely a lot more achievable than theirs and i'll work hard towards achieving my own goal -> to pass everything and prove to myself that i'm not as stupid as i think i am. (:

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5 more days.....? add oil!!!

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WR is finally over and done with!!!! steph and i rushed around like SIAO on thursday night after the APEC thing to look for a printing shop to print our WRs (differnt groups. if ONLYY we were in the same group..... ) but almost all were closed! and we started panicking before her parents sent us to a shop which was just about to close. thank god they were kind enough to help us print! :D

OMG i really didnt know what to feel when we finally submitted the wr to ms tan on friday... all these months and months of hard work and editting and editting like nobody's business.... HAHA it'd sound exaggerated, but i really felt as though i cut out a piece of my oh so deprived brain to hand up... all that effort spent, but i dont know if what i give is what i will get. if i don't get that A, it'd be so unfair... sighhhhhhhh. if this wasnt a freaking A level subject, i would've hecked it a long time ago.. but, i want my A!! especially when unsmart people like myself probably wont be able to garner any for A levels. oh well.

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banned from computer hereafter. going to chiong study for promos. i wont let PW affect my studies!!!!!! PLEASE LET ME PROMOTE PLEASE

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Yikes, haven’t been updating for really long? These few weeks have been so hectic I think I’ve grown about a gabazillion more white hairs to add to my already existing ten thousand strands.

School these days have been so stressful its almost unbearable. :/ haven't been able to sleep and eat well!! ): i think if not for the usual people around who can still joke and go retarded with me, I’d have been possessed by the looming stress spirits long ago. :O

Pw has been snapping at my heels more viciously than usual since the deadline is just looming ahead. Our WR Is still far from done and I don’t know what else can be done to make it better!! Ms tan apparently thinks that the latest draft was QUITE good work… but I realized that some stuff from our pw task requirements are still not addressed! :O

And it doesn’t help that my studies are dying and I can’t afford to fail a single subject if I want to promote. :/:/ it’s kind of impossible for me to pass bio and that I’m really certain of. When I say I’m going to fail sth, I jolly well mean what I say. Heck, even when I think I MAY pass minimumly, I still end up failing.

Oh well, at least I should be glad that my pw group isn’t near anywhere as bad as some other’s. character-wise, everyone in my group is nice. (: i can't say the same for others! sighhh poor steph. I’m glad it’s going to be over for all of us soon. Pw is causing too much strain to so many people! am so thankful that finally the end is drawing near. (:

Okayyy I shall stop feeling miserable and just put all the effort in extra mugging after pw ends. All the best to everyone else! (:

I WILL NOT RETAIN FOR NUTS. I WILL NOT.

sighh jc life is so stressful, for so many people.... i slacked through the first half of the year, and enjoyed myself. now i'm slogging my guts out and i feel stupid for having slacked through the first 2 terms :/

1T32! ♥

Its raining!! ♥
.......

how great, just because i had my back turned to the balcony for what, 3 minutes, and now the whole place is flooded and my mam is going to fly home in a rage berating me on why i didnt do more to save her drying clothes. ;_;

oh well, 天下的妈妈都是一样的，哦天下的妈妈都是一样的!

*******

anyway, yesterday was really awesome. the first trip back to st nicks in months was so worth ponning lessons for! (especially when the lessons are bio, gp and chinese)

the moment i stepped into the canteen, a decade worth of familiar faces floated around and we started screaming and hugging each other like siao. xD saw yiying the pig, jiamin and myra first and then slowly the rest of 4 truth appeared.

it really felt as though i teleported back in time to 2008 or something! haven't seen everyone in so long and yet it seemed as though nothing has changed except the multi-coloured uniforms (me= true blue all the way!) everyone was wearing now. vanessa was still her same old pink self, screaming "ah kok!!" at me in her princessy voice when i tried to mess up her now wavy hair. :P then stupid charlyne started whacking me on the head AGAIN. ah chua still had her bright white spects with her and yanlin was her sama sama chatty self. :D

went up to our old 4 truth classroom again and took a class photo with everyone sitting at their original position last year. was damnnnn nostalgic, i could almost imagine miss poore or adrian wong walking into class again and shaking their heads at us. my old table!! and the beloved balcony beside the toilet where we always hid in to avoid mrs goh! ahh 4 truth i miss you so so much! ♥

*******

okay i just researched online about happiness.

apparently, the secret to a happy life? adopt a positive outlook to every aspect of life no matter how gloomy it may seem.

so, i shall try doing that too.

1) its only freaking 34 more days to promos.
Positive outlook: its still a whole month to revise!

2) there are so many freaking things to edit for pw and apparently our points doesnt have sufficient substantiation of idea.
On the bright side: today is a holiday so i can spend a whole day to refine everything! and its okay cos the final submission is in end sept.

3) my mid years were horrendous. it may play a huge part in deciding whether or not i retain. ;_;
On the happier front: it was a wake up call for me! starting to mug a lot harder than usual already!

4) chinese As are coming and i haven't been preparing at all.
On the positive side: my chinese is not that bad, can probably scrape through in the end!

*******

somehow they all sound a bit sarcastic. oh well!

........

Pants on fire, pants on fire.. It went on repeatedly in her head, drowning out the voices and merry laughter of those around her.

The chandelier above sparkled brightly, like a thousand stars stringed immaculately together. Wine glasses clanged, toasts were raised.

She stared right ahead, completely oblivious to her surroundings.

Pants on fire, pants on fire. It continued.

Clutching her walking stick tightly with one hand, she clenched her other fist hard, turning her knuckles white.

Pants on fire, pants are blazing. It got louder and louder.

Finally, the girl threw her wine glass onto the floor, sending a million shimmering crystals dancing across the room. Her dress turned a crimson red. Flinging her walking stick onto the ground, she burst out, "I'm not a liar! I'm not!"

The noise gradually diminished, the voices slowly drowned out. People lowered their wine glasses. An awkward, naked silence took the place of the initial buzz. An air of curiosity rose high.

Then, a woman stepped forward, with an elegantly coiffed bun but glasses askew. Her eyes were blazing and it was not difficult to tell that she was excited about something.

"But darling," she murmured, "we never called you one, did we?" Her voice was saccharine sweet, and the smile she wore was broad, so very broad.

*******

oops i was just bored.

.......

shit it's freaking freezing cold now. *shivers* and i'm wearing 3 layers of cloth!!
if i get a cold now i'm going to kill the weather. 忽冷忽热， 怎么可以这样！

anyway we had pe today and some stupid teacher almost made me stick out my tongue at her in disbelief. there i was, happily doing my aerobics and laughing away when she kind of yakked at me and banished me to the side, for laughing. what the shit is her problem man, what's wrong with laughing?! laughing makes the world go round, laughing makes a kid happy! oh and i know your butt is perky and all, but you dont have to keep waving it in front of our faces like that actually. just go to the toilet to shit if you can't hold it in and pardon me if my laughter had disturbed your poop.

.......

mehh, i'm home alone now again. sometimes i really have no idea why i hate being alone so much recently. it just feels so... lonely when everything is still and quiet. ...... like even when you swallow your saliva you can hear the "plub". okay, not the best example, but ya.

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eeks i dont want the weekend to come! because weekend means pw means no sleep means panda eyes means mama scolds real bad means trying to catch up on work means frustration meeans bleagh. Lol but its true that there's no such thing as no time though, because we can always make time for everything.

so now my new mantra is to make time for my revision/homework during the weekdays and make time for pw in the weekends. as for sleep...... i will make time for that in school. xD

*******

poor hao hao. what have you become now? you used to sing the cadbury song and spray "aqua" water at everyone, rub your nose on cardboard, annoy the heck out of everyone with your silly antics, switch on the nightlight because you were afraid of the dark, believe me when i told you i was friends with hermione granger and harry potter....

and now? you're stealing bicycles, threatening to kill your own mother and i dont know what else you intend to do.

i really hope that he'll sort out his priorities before it gets too late. i really don't wish to see him in a boys' home or worse still, a freaking mental hospital.

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OH YA Its teacher’s day celebration at st nicks on Monday!! haha I really want to go back so badly, I miss SN like mice miss rice.

But sheesh we have lessons on Monday! And idk if I should pon school or not. But I haven’t seen everyone in YEARS!! That should be reason enough to cook up a story and pon school to go back to SN. xD oh well I shall see first! If zijin and hilary decides to go back I shall too! :D

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niabo my sis is back!! HUZZAH!! can disturb her and bombard her with questions now!! Yahaahahha my mood is so retarded, i'm suddenly feeling deliriously happy now. :D

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Sectumsempra.

if i could use the spell in real life, i'd curse all the mosquitoes in my house with it.

.....

aargh pw sucks. it's so difficult to link everything together!

.......

i haven't taxed myself mentally like this for so long i've forgotten how it feels to be all stressed out about every single tiny little thing under the sun. the workload we have nowadays seriously make me want to tear out my hair (however little i have left of it). i really am trying my very best now, to study hard everyday, be diligent in doing tutorials, stay awake during lectures and putting in my utmost effort to write a good or at least acceptable written report for PW.

but i am still doing badly for tests and am once again, starting to fall behind in studies despite all my efforts to do well. i know that i have, at best, limited brain power and ability when it comes to academic issues, and when it comes down to the final hurdle of the year, the promos, the confidence i have of passing my subjects is zilch.

i can't help it that i'm plain stupid, but for now i'll push myself to the limit if that's what it takes to pass promos and submit a final written report that i myself can be proud of.

.......

....

hmmm this week has been kind of eventful in a different way.

ashlyn had sharp eyes for once and spotted a spider web in all its hexagonal-shaped glory underneath my table. so ma tong decided to just shake all my things out and maybe find the offending spider amidst the pile of.... stuff.

and out fell food wrappers, plastic bags, books, papers, files, plastic bottles and a FREAKING BABY LIZARD, which was very ALIVE and KICKING. it caused quite a big commotion i regret to say, and nat and khalie practically hopped atop their chairs to escape the small brown thing.

looking on the bright side, the baby lizard probably already ate up the offending spider which built a hexagonal-shaped web underneath my table, so there will be no more spiders to cause us distress anymore.

looking on the not-so-bright side, if a baby lizard actually existed, its mama must be somewhere around too right? and i just hate to even think about a big fat slimy thing crawling around and making itself feel at home underneath the host of tables it can find in 1T32. :O

and according to miss tan, the moral of the story is? Be neat and clean your tables constantly.

.......

and this week's over-the-tabletop canteen conversations were seriously the most epic ever i swear!!

2nd lesson learnt in the week: never EVER put ma tong together with jane at the canteen table if you want a normal conversation. with them around, everything just becomes warped and twisted omg. HAHA and it all started because of ma tong's weird theory on how hell should experience inflation because people keep burning hell bank notes like nobody's business. -.-

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meeppp couldnt meet up with zijin again today cos of installation + my own laziness to travel so far so late! ;_; but i want to meet up with the assshit udder soon! got so many things to catch up on!

oh and nicole is finally back from england! i hope her accent didnt thicken or anything. :D i want to talk to her and the old farger samuel k! haven't seen everyone in sooo long. :/ but its damn sad our schedules always clash. :( plus it doesnt help that i have such a rojak timetable when i have only a day where i can leave school at 3pm. ;_; sigh so shadded.

********

OHH my sister is officially off to lead a hostel life at NTU. i have no more maths tutor!!!

actually i think it may be a good thing in the long run (econs eh!). because.. i think i am OVERLY DEPENDENT on my sis when i dunno how to do maths! then i wont even bother thinking and will just ask her when i encounter only a slightly challenging question. alright now's the time to train my own brain (rhymes) to think! :D

Mam: " There's a cow in my fridge!!!!!!"
Me: "HUH??!!"
Mam: "YAA pink colour one! "
Me*walks over*: "CHEY! thats my laughing cow lah!!"
Dad *walks over*: "what! got cow laughing at you is it! tell me where! and papa the policeman will go and catch her!"

LOL seriously, my lauging cow was a CHEESE BOX. -.-

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Singapore is 44! a few more years down the road and its time to be a grandmama. :D

Heh im kinda curious about the number of people who actually stood up ramrod still to recite the national pledge yesterday at 8.22pm.

my mam and dad practically dragged me to my feet to say the pledge. but for all the propaganda over the years for patriotism to our country, i can actually honestly say that i really AM proud of my country. (:


***********
anyway we floated down to ikea after national day celebrations on friday! gosh their food is really good but expensive......

haha and we started playing with everything we could lay our hands on, like all the random rocking horses and dunno-whats. then the kids around us kind of gave us evil glares since we were stealing their toys. ;_;

i love ikea, they always have the weirdest and most interesting things around! then it feels as though you are in some sort of crazy palace exploring dungeons or something.

oh speaking about dungeons, i think if i ever have the chance to build my own house in the near future, i'll build it all dungeony! muahaha and have this big projector/screen where i can watch all the horror shows i want. xD

........

yw@p after that was major "cheat our feelings!!" apparently there was no need for us to be there but we turned up anyway. :S

but on the bright side, the kids were really well behaved that day! seriously i have no idea what they ateto warrant such good behaviour, but they didnt even scream much and most of them just sat there quietly listening to instructions! wow, a first. and when kids are well behaved they are really cute!!

there was this kid called ah-choo who was super cute and kept hitting my leg. ahaha then she told me she was speaking funnily because she "TEETH PAIN!". chao ke ai lah. :D
.
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steph ma tong and i went down to Toysrus after that! and i wanted to bring so many of the toys home! we started playing basketball and frisbee with each other but it was epic fail. ma tong was hilarious omg, she spun one whole big round on the spot with the basketball before she kind of fell on the fell on the floor, like PLONK!

saw many different kinds of toys and it was childhood-relivingish! reminded me of the first 6 years of my life when i was living at my aunt's house because my parents didnt have time to take care of me. from what i could remember i think i was kind of spoilt. whenever i wanted something, all i needed to do was to open my mouth and ask for it and Voila! the very next day i'd get it. that included everything from talking teletubbies to big bouncy balls to board games to big plushy toys to whiteboards....

i used to cry each time my parents brought me home on sunday, because as opposed to the strictness of my own parents, my aunt and uncle and cousins were very much lenient with me, so much to the extent that i preferred them to my very own parents.

but anyhow i guess i really miss those days. it is great being a kid and not having to bother about anything other thinking of what other toys to add to the collection. it'd suck to grow up into a full blown adult and have to bother about everything under the sun. oh well.

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wahaha and i miss scrabble a lot. and my team mates!!!

*******

sheesh i'm such a pro at long-windedness and randomness!!!! if this blog post was a GP essay, i'd have gotten a big fat U straight in my face.

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muahaha am super happy now! because i've finally finished the first draft for written report on saturday night! ahaha took me like 3 whole days to do just that measly draft. man it sucks to be a perfectionist at this sort of stuff, because after a while you realise that no matter how hard you try, it will never be perfect (DUH). xD

.......

anyhow it was national day celebrations on friday, and i wonder if anyone else noticed that there's an unsightly bulge on the national flag made of balloons.

apparently according to grace, it is the art of her class. -.-



the specties unite! xD

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Alright, i’ve decided that i really need to get this out of the system.

It is one thing if your figure of speech is undesirable but you are downright nice, because niceness makes up for almost every other fault.

It is another thing if your figure of speech is detrimental and you are utterly, completely and blatantly rude.

I highly doubt that a normal person in the right frame of mind would be so vulgar and crude as to yell at a bunch of people that they are a human genital part shaped in the letter F (something along the lines of that, i don’t exactly wish to stoop to the level of saying the exact words explicitly) for but a minor matter.

Hmm, but seriously, a human genital area? And it is supposed to be funny? Sorry, but even Mr Bean can milk more laughs than that.

And everything just screams Inussy loud and clear.

*******

Anyhow, no matter how tolerant a person is, there is always a line you should never cross. Overboard.

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